Today I checked my email and found this article from desiringgod.org, John Piper's organization. It's been a long week and as I read this email, I heard these words in my head, repeated many times by my parents over the years, "I'll give you something to cry about!" Talk about a quick change in perspective...
[Note - Normally I'm not a fan of trying to combat the pro-choice movement with graphic descriptions or pictures of the "procedures" involved in abortion but in this case, the words are directly from the Supreme Court's opinion. So disturbing it is, but very worth the read.]
"Let the Python Eat Its Tail. Amen.
April 25, 2007 By John Piper
Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote the opinion of the Supreme Court in upholding the ban on partial birth abortions on April 18, 2007. It is astonishing to read the opinion. The detail with which abortion is discussed exceeded my expectation. Kennedy’s own descriptions of the various forms of abortion are explicit and extensive. Descriptions of the procedure of partial birth abortion (“intact dilation and extraction”) are given from both doctors’ and nurses’ perspectives.
For example, one nurse described the procedure on a twenty-six-week-old “fetus” as follows—and remember this is a quote from Justice Kennedy’s official Supreme Court decision:
Dr. Haskell went in with forceps and grabbed the baby’s legs and pulled them down into the birth canal. Then he delivered the baby’s body and the arms—everything but the head. The doctor kept the head right inside the uterus. . . . The baby’s little fingers were clasping and unclasping, and his little feet were kicking. Then the doctor stuck the scissors in the back of his head, and the baby’s arms jerked out, like a startle reaction, like a flinch, like a baby does when he thinks he is going to fall. The doctor opened up the scissors, stuck a high-powered suction tube into the opening, and sucked the baby’s brains out. Now the baby went completely limp. . . . He cut the umbilical cord and delivered the placenta. He threw the baby in a pan, along with the placenta and the instruments he had just used. (p. 8)
There is a certain irony to the argument for the Supreme Court’s ruling. One argument against the necessity of a health exception for the mother was that alternative methods of abortion are legally available, if necessary, even at this late stage in the pregnancy. For example, the ordinary D&E (dilation and extraction). The irony is that the Court concedes that the “the standard D&E is in some respects as brutal, if not more, than intact D&E” (p. 6). In other words, in normal, legal abortions, the baby is torn apart limb from limb while still in the womb, but in a partial birth abortion, the baby is mercifully spared the dismemberment and his brains are quickly sucked out of his head.
Such are the contorted conditions in which we find ourselves: The proposal of a manifestly barbaric law (permitting the dismemberment of a partially born child) is defeated by the legal standing of a more barbaric law (permitting the dismemberment of a child in the womb). But the history of Providence has many such stories to tell—great evils finally being self-destroyed, like a python swallowing its own tail.
Pro-abortion politicians tremble as they see it coming. Barack Obama worries that “this ruling will embolden state legislatures to enact further measures to restrict a woman’s right to choose.” The Supreme Court erred, he said, because partial birth abortion is “a matter of equal rights for women.”
This use of catch phrases is surely tired. “Right to choose.” “Equal rights for women.” The grandchildren of the sixties are waking up to the vagueness and danger of those phrases. Right to choose what? Anything? All laws that protect children limit the rights of moms (and dads) to choose. You can’t choose to starve them. You can’t choose to lock them in closets for three weeks. You can’t choose to abandon them. You can’t choose to strangle them five minutes after they are born.
And “equal rights for women”—equal with whom? Equal with the irresponsible dad. Dad has sex and bears no responsibility for the baby. Mom should be equally able to have sex and bear no responsibility for the baby. Young people are looking at this and saying: Something is wrong with this picture. Maybe our lives are as broken as they are because our parents have twisted their hearts and minds so deeply to justify equality in irresponsibility.
Hilary Clinton opposes the Supreme Court decision because “the rights and lives of women must be taken into account.” Yes. That is mainly what this forty-page opinion of the court does. Read it. And it will be interesting whether Senator Clinton will have any opinion about moms and dads who want to abort their little girls, but not their little boys. I think the younger generation may ask the senator: Should the life of little women be taken into account, or only big women?
I pray that ahead and behind of the delegalization of abortion will flow waves of inner repentance as we awaken to the outrage of assaulting God’s image-bearers in the very moment of his knitting them together in their mothers’ wombs (Psalm 139:13). "
...a small victory this week. It's times like this that I'm reminded: we are winning.
4.24.2007
Sermon Notes
On Sunday our pastor preached on 1 Jn 1:5-10, the well-know passage about walking in the light. During the course of the sermon I realized that I had not ever really understood exactly what was meant by "the light." He solved that for me by defining what is meant by "walking in the light": we need to expose and be exposed in our sin and brokenness. He further emphasised this point by saying that living a transparent life before the world is the only way to have true relationships - with God, our spouses, children, others and ultimately even ourselves. To paraphrase George Robertson: "If we are not confessing our sins to others and admitting the gap between what I am and what I say, it will be difficult to have real, authentic relationships with God or others." It was a very convicting and enlightening sermon for me, and it particularly hit home when he applied this point to last week's events at VA Tech by saying that we are all broken, flawed, imperfect and abnormal - every single human being is in need of the same thing: relationship with Christ who is in the business of restoring brokenness, flawed humanity and real community. He expressed his sorrow and sadness for the gunman in last week's events, who was so rejected, despised and broken that he did what he did. A creature in the image of God reduced to such sadness and evil. He is culpable for sure, and my pastor emphasized that fact over and over but he said "Could his story have been different?" He pointed out that the common theme in these horrific school shootings we've all witnessed over the years is not only the weapons used to commit the offenses, rejection, bullying and pain are all there as well. He finished up his aside on VA Tech by challenging us, seemingly looking everyone in the congregation right in the eyes and saying, "Let none of you think you are the standard for normalcy...live honestly and openly about your brokenness and need of a Savior." This challenged me personally in ways I don't yet understand and it challenged me as a mother to really pray for Charlie, pray that he has a soft heart for others, that he will be the one to reach out in love for the unlovely or the "un-cool." Jesus did that, after all - tax collectors, women, prostitutes? Surely we comfortable Americans-American Christians in particular-can pray for softer hearts and true compassion for the people in our society who are in need of real community and real healing.
On a lighter note, :) CHARLIE IS WALKING!! Talk about an answer to many, many prayers - 4 months ago he couldn't sit up or crawl. He's met 90% of his major milestones in such a short period of time and we could not be happier! Here are some pictures from the week-end...
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On a lighter note, :) CHARLIE IS WALKING!! Talk about an answer to many, many prayers - 4 months ago he couldn't sit up or crawl. He's met 90% of his major milestones in such a short period of time and we could not be happier! Here are some pictures from the week-end...
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4.20.2007
Tired
I am tired. Very tired. Ryan and I have both been working a ton for the past few weeks and I just can't seem to get the rest I need. Ryan has been on call every other night, making very difficult for either of us to catch up on sleep. And I'm definitely starting to feel my age. :) I think I just need some down time as I've been out of town for the past 3 week-ends. I am really too tired to think right now, it's hitting me all of the sudden. So I'll stick to lists. I am a list person. I could make lists in my sleep.
Things I'm loving right now:
1. My new "Meals for a Month" strategy. I've saved lots of time and money. I hope to perfect this habit in May.
2. The bagged salads that come with all the fixins, including dressing. This week we've had 2 different varieties and I loved both - Asian Supreme and Restaurant-style Poppyseed something-or-other. Both were fantastic.
3. Our new small group. We are studying marriage and it's excellent so far! Believe it not, it's the first marriage study we've ever done in our nearly 5 years of marriage.
4. The brand-new portable DVD player we bought for our many road trips. I scored it off ebay for $80, instead of the $125+ we thought we were going to have to pay!
5. Date night. We have a babysitter tomorrow night and are going out with some friends.
6. The office. Hands-down best TV show ever (next to Desperate Housewives).
Things I'm neutral about:
1 - The cupcakes I made for a party tonight. I had grand visions of chocolate cupcakes, lemon-yellow icing and black polka dots but now it just looks like globs of cake got stuck to the icing...or bugs landed on the cupcakes and I didn't bother to shoo them away. Oh well.
Things I'm not loving right now:
1. Mean kids
2. Not having time to do any of the fun projects on my list. I really want to embroider these cute little fruit and veggie designs in last month's Martha Stewart magazine.
3. How tired I am! What happened to the Emily of endless energy??
4. Ryan's job hunt. This is the real deal, the place where we'll likely end up living for quite some time. It's our 3rd time to choose a city together but this time it's much more stressful. The finality of this choice is what makes it so hard. I hope we know something soon!
5. The chaos and fickleness of corporate America. Just make personnel decisions and stick to 'em, already!
6. Rotator cuff tendonitis - when is my shoulder going to feel better?
Happy Friday!
Things I'm loving right now:
1. My new "Meals for a Month" strategy. I've saved lots of time and money. I hope to perfect this habit in May.
2. The bagged salads that come with all the fixins, including dressing. This week we've had 2 different varieties and I loved both - Asian Supreme and Restaurant-style Poppyseed something-or-other. Both were fantastic.
3. Our new small group. We are studying marriage and it's excellent so far! Believe it not, it's the first marriage study we've ever done in our nearly 5 years of marriage.
4. The brand-new portable DVD player we bought for our many road trips. I scored it off ebay for $80, instead of the $125+ we thought we were going to have to pay!
5. Date night. We have a babysitter tomorrow night and are going out with some friends.
6. The office. Hands-down best TV show ever (next to Desperate Housewives).
Things I'm neutral about:
1 - The cupcakes I made for a party tonight. I had grand visions of chocolate cupcakes, lemon-yellow icing and black polka dots but now it just looks like globs of cake got stuck to the icing...or bugs landed on the cupcakes and I didn't bother to shoo them away. Oh well.
Things I'm not loving right now:
1. Mean kids
2. Not having time to do any of the fun projects on my list. I really want to embroider these cute little fruit and veggie designs in last month's Martha Stewart magazine.
3. How tired I am! What happened to the Emily of endless energy??
4. Ryan's job hunt. This is the real deal, the place where we'll likely end up living for quite some time. It's our 3rd time to choose a city together but this time it's much more stressful. The finality of this choice is what makes it so hard. I hope we know something soon!
5. The chaos and fickleness of corporate America. Just make personnel decisions and stick to 'em, already!
6. Rotator cuff tendonitis - when is my shoulder going to feel better?
Happy Friday!
4.13.2007
A Void
I'm really missing my camera. I can't believe it left us so suddenly. One minute it was alive and well, capturing our lives with such dignity even though it was about 5 years old and quite possibly the first digital camera ever made. I really wanted to sell some things on ebay, take Easter pics, etc but no, my camera had to die on us. Very depressing.
I am really going to be missing my camera this week-end. We're headed to Savannah to throw a big 30th wedding anniversary party for my parents. These days people just don't stay married for 30 minutes much less 30 years so this milestone is definitely cause for celebration. We're co-hosting the party with my sister and brother-in-law and have really been saving our pennies...we're having it catered by some church friends in Savannah. We're each making a dessert - Anna is making some kind of blueberry cake and I'm making the famous Paula Dean Not Yo' Mama's Banana Pudding, as banana pudding is my Dad's favorite. This recipe is particularly tasty and a little bit different from other banana puddings I've tasted. And it looks pretty in a trifle bowl. I've been hard at work on a memory book of sorts to present to them at the party. Hopefully it will turn out OK...
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.
- Martin Luther
I am really going to be missing my camera this week-end. We're headed to Savannah to throw a big 30th wedding anniversary party for my parents. These days people just don't stay married for 30 minutes much less 30 years so this milestone is definitely cause for celebration. We're co-hosting the party with my sister and brother-in-law and have really been saving our pennies...we're having it catered by some church friends in Savannah. We're each making a dessert - Anna is making some kind of blueberry cake and I'm making the famous Paula Dean Not Yo' Mama's Banana Pudding, as banana pudding is my Dad's favorite. This recipe is particularly tasty and a little bit different from other banana puddings I've tasted. And it looks pretty in a trifle bowl. I've been hard at work on a memory book of sorts to present to them at the party. Hopefully it will turn out OK...
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.
- Martin Luther
4.11.2007
4.05.2007
Wow - it's been awhile!
I just realized that it has been quite some time since I last posted. I'm sure I was sorely missed. :)
The Wedding:
Very fun and very tiring! It was beautiful and everything turned out just right - just like Katie imagined it...except my camera didn't make it. It died the night of the wedding. Janelle emailed one picture from the rehearsal dinner -
I missed Charlie like crazy but my family took good care of him - he plenty of people to entertain him, that's for sure!
Me:
One big reason why I haven't posted is that I've been dealing with some kind of shoulder injury since early last week. I have no idea how it happened - maybe incorrect push-up position - but I've been to the dr and have been diagnosed with tendonitus of my rotator cuff. It really stinks and everytime I think it's getting better, I overdo it or move it funny and re-injure myself. :( So tomorrow I'm taking a sick day and staying off my computer all week-end in hopes of finally recovering. We'll see!
I'm also experimenting with a new meal plan this month - meals for a month. Janelle gave me this idea and I'm giving it a try: plan all your meals for a month and make one big trip to the grocery (for me this turned into one big trip to the grocery and one big trip to Sam's). Then just go to the store for the fresh stuff you need once a week. Supposedly this will save time and money. We'll see. I'm all for saving money since Ryan and I put ourselves on this big-time budget. :)
In other news, my most recent and most fashion-forward Spring wardrobe addition: bright yellow patton-leather flats with a small pointy heal. They look fabulous with white pants and jeans. These shoes were very budget-friendly, weighing in at a whopping $9.99. I got the idea of yellow shoes from one of the fashion segments during the 9:30 segment of Today.
Work:
We are going thru a big "re-org" at my office, a corporate re-structuring if you will. Think The Office - Branch Closing episode. It should be interesting. I may be getting a new boss and a new team. Can't decide if that's good news or bad. Stay tuned.
I'm also working on trianing some resources "off-shore." (read: India). So my hours are very odd and believe it or not, Schoolhouse Rock- How a Bill Becomes a Law has been part of our training agenda.
Charlie:
He's turning into a little boy. :( His newest thing is an obsession with trucks. He drives them around the room, using his little sitting crawl. It's very cute. What is not cute, however, is how he expresses his frustration when he a) crashes the truck into something (a frequent occurance in our little house or b) turns it over and can't get it back on all fours. He throws a major fit. I think he's frustrated that his body can't do what his mind wants to do, but geez, I wish he'd be a little more polite about it.
Some pictures, courtesy of Janelle who came to visit this week...
(In the picture above, he's saying "Mmmm" because he is starvin' to death and loved what I'd just fed him.)
Easter plans:
Ryan is working all week-end (sad for us :( ) so Charlie and I are headed to Savannah. I don't want to spend the week-end alone. So we'll attend the big Easter egg hunt and pancake breakfast with my family at our home church Saturday morning and then spend the afternoon at the beach, all bundled up as we are going to have some record-cold temps in south GA this week-end!
Happy Easter!
Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!Once He died our souls to save, Alleluia!Where thy victory, O grave? Alleluia!
Soar we now where Christ hath led, Alleluia!Following our exalted Head, Alleluia!Made like Him, like Him we rise, Alleluia!Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!
3.22.2007
Week-end away
I'm about to head out for a long week-end. College buddy Katie McKittrick is getting married and I'm a bridesmaid! Should be a fun week-end. BUT we are leaving Charlie for the first time...I'm dropping him off in Savannah before I head to Charleston. Pray for us - we are going to miss him!!!
Hopefully I'll be back Monday with lots of pictures from a beautiful spring week-end in the sunny south!
Hopefully I'll be back Monday with lots of pictures from a beautiful spring week-end in the sunny south!
3.19.2007
Today is Charlie's real birthday. In fact, we are coming up on the actual time of his birthday: 10:49 pm. Wow, what a long day. We won't "go there." :)
The party was great - many friends and family members were present. Charlie scored many good presents including two new vehicles! AND he took his first steps DURING THE PARTY. This is a major accomplishment for a kid who has only been sitting up for 3 months!! He is more than caught up developmentally now...what an answer to many, many prayers and much hard work!
I'm so tired now from a week-end full of company and a long day at work but here are a couple of pictures...more on the party later.
3.15.2007
One year
Charlie is going to be one year old on Monday. I just cannot believe it - this year has gone by so quickly...we're having a big party for him on Saturday !!
As busy, challenging and changing as it's been for me, I wouldn't change one minute of the past year. I adore mothering Charlie; I love him more every day. I adore and am blessed to be Ryan's wife and I love him more every day as well. And mercifully, I love myself less. I still love myself very much to be sure, and if I don't get my workout or other agenda items checked off, I still pout :) but I can see progress.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my role as a wife and mother and what I want to provide for my family. My list seems wholesome, natural and harmless at first glance - I want to offer my husband and a children a clean, inviting home filled with lovely flowers and savory home-cooked food; I want to appear fashionably put-together at the grocery, at the door when anyone knocks and for Ryan when he returns home from work; I want to teach Charlie the catechism and read scripture to him over breakfast; I want to rise early, while the house is still quiet, and have my own time of reflection before heading out for a run. I want to read classics and learn to sew. I want to be brilliant and conscientious worker who is commended daily for her efforts on behalf of the company (this one is perhaps the most far-fetched :)). These goals are commendable to be sure but what I've realized lately is AT WHAT COST will they come? Is it possible to do everything? And really, the answer is simple - NO.
In the introduction to Section Five of Keep a Quiet Heart (a book I highly recommend, btw), Elizabeth Elliot quotes Elizabeth King: "In my attempts to promote the comfort of my family, the quiet of my spirit has been disturbed...this is of great importance, to watch carefully - not to over fatigue myself, because then I cannot contribute to the pleasure of others; and a placid face and a gentle tone will make my family more happy than anything else I can do for them. Our own will gets sadly into the performance of our duties sometimes."
This hit home so I'm in the process of weeding out unnecessary goals for this season of my life. It's a freeing thought and process...and exciting as well - these goals aren't being abandoned. I'm simply deffering them for a later season. I'll be sure to let you know what makes the keeper list. :)
P.S. Because I'm in the publishing industry, I feel the need to point out that I know that book titles should not be italicized. The problem is that I can't figure out how to underline in html. :)
As busy, challenging and changing as it's been for me, I wouldn't change one minute of the past year. I adore mothering Charlie; I love him more every day. I adore and am blessed to be Ryan's wife and I love him more every day as well. And mercifully, I love myself less. I still love myself very much to be sure, and if I don't get my workout or other agenda items checked off, I still pout :) but I can see progress.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my role as a wife and mother and what I want to provide for my family. My list seems wholesome, natural and harmless at first glance - I want to offer my husband and a children a clean, inviting home filled with lovely flowers and savory home-cooked food; I want to appear fashionably put-together at the grocery, at the door when anyone knocks and for Ryan when he returns home from work; I want to teach Charlie the catechism and read scripture to him over breakfast; I want to rise early, while the house is still quiet, and have my own time of reflection before heading out for a run. I want to read classics and learn to sew. I want to be brilliant and conscientious worker who is commended daily for her efforts on behalf of the company (this one is perhaps the most far-fetched :)). These goals are commendable to be sure but what I've realized lately is AT WHAT COST will they come? Is it possible to do everything? And really, the answer is simple - NO.
In the introduction to Section Five of Keep a Quiet Heart (a book I highly recommend, btw), Elizabeth Elliot quotes Elizabeth King: "In my attempts to promote the comfort of my family, the quiet of my spirit has been disturbed...this is of great importance, to watch carefully - not to over fatigue myself, because then I cannot contribute to the pleasure of others; and a placid face and a gentle tone will make my family more happy than anything else I can do for them. Our own will gets sadly into the performance of our duties sometimes."
This hit home so I'm in the process of weeding out unnecessary goals for this season of my life. It's a freeing thought and process...and exciting as well - these goals aren't being abandoned. I'm simply deffering them for a later season. I'll be sure to let you know what makes the keeper list. :)
P.S. Because I'm in the publishing industry, I feel the need to point out that I know that book titles should not be italicized. The problem is that I can't figure out how to underline in html. :)
3.03.2007
2.27.2007
Warning: read at your own risk.
I have had a hard week filled with every emotion possible: overwhelming sadness, loneliness, rejection, exhaustion...and I have been torn about whether or not to discuss the subject on my blog. But tonight I suddenly realized-as I was sitting on the couch, watching Law & Order, and trying to finish up a last-minute project at work-that it would be OK to vent, to share...
Charlie randomly decided to quit nursing last week, last Friday morning to be exact, on Day 2 of our vacation. I didn't realize it at first, as he had just come down with a fever and an ear infection. He's done this before, not nursed well due to ear pain, so I thought he'd rally after starting on the antibiotics, after returning to our normal routine. But no, that has not yet happened. He's made it perfectly clear that he's finished, done, no longer content to be a nursing baby. I suppose he's ready to grow up, to move on to more exciting things, like crawling and destroying our home on an hourly basis. And I'm devastated, heartbroken, lost.
If you would have told me 11 months ago that I'd be saying this, I would not have believed you. I thought I would suffer through nursing for the standard 6 months, counting down the days until I could be "set free" from the burden of constant companionship. In my lactation class, the instructor asked me why I wanted to nurse. Without batting an eye, I answered, "To burn 500 calories a day." The health benefits for the baby was a side benefit in my selfish, selfish mind, the thought never occurring to me that nursing Charlie would become one of my most treasured memories and accomplishments. But it has, well, did - over the past 11 months I learned things as a nursing mother that I never would have learned otherwise. First and primarily, I learned to be *still*, something that does not come naturally to me. I learned the value of taking time to breathe in life, to stare into the precious eyes of my adoring son, to pray for his life and his salvation, to pray for myself and Ryan in our quest to parent Charlie and his future siblings and to just rest. Secondly, I became a much less selfish person, will to sacrifice my schedule, physical demands and just general preferences for someone else. It has been very sanctifying. And lastly, I learned that doing what I was made to do can bring so much fulfillment, joy, peace and happiness.
Was nursing inconvenient? Yes, sometimes it would have been nice to get away for longer than 3 or 4 hours, to have a night away with Ryan or a full night of sleep as a mother to a newborn. But it was absolutely, 100% worth the price. I loved every minute of nursing my precious little son and I am so sad that this part of our relationship has ended. I wasn't ready for it...I had planned on weaning him slowly, one feeding at a time. I had imagined how our last feeding would look and had started preparing myself emotionally for that day (since I was planning to start weaning him when he turned 1). I've spent the last 2 days hoping that it wasn't really over but tonight, I know in my heart that it is. So I'm grieving (and undoubtedly dealing with some hormonal issues :)) and learning how to be a mom in this new stage of life we've just entered.
Side note: I do not apologize for broaching a sensitive topic in a public forum. God made women for this, physically and emotionally. And even though nursing is not for everyone or every baby, it is a beautiful thing. Our culture may disagree but that does not change the reality of the situation. And as a woman in 2007, nursing (and talking about it!) is my right. :)
I have had a hard week filled with every emotion possible: overwhelming sadness, loneliness, rejection, exhaustion...and I have been torn about whether or not to discuss the subject on my blog. But tonight I suddenly realized-as I was sitting on the couch, watching Law & Order, and trying to finish up a last-minute project at work-that it would be OK to vent, to share...
Charlie randomly decided to quit nursing last week, last Friday morning to be exact, on Day 2 of our vacation. I didn't realize it at first, as he had just come down with a fever and an ear infection. He's done this before, not nursed well due to ear pain, so I thought he'd rally after starting on the antibiotics, after returning to our normal routine. But no, that has not yet happened. He's made it perfectly clear that he's finished, done, no longer content to be a nursing baby. I suppose he's ready to grow up, to move on to more exciting things, like crawling and destroying our home on an hourly basis. And I'm devastated, heartbroken, lost.
If you would have told me 11 months ago that I'd be saying this, I would not have believed you. I thought I would suffer through nursing for the standard 6 months, counting down the days until I could be "set free" from the burden of constant companionship. In my lactation class, the instructor asked me why I wanted to nurse. Without batting an eye, I answered, "To burn 500 calories a day." The health benefits for the baby was a side benefit in my selfish, selfish mind, the thought never occurring to me that nursing Charlie would become one of my most treasured memories and accomplishments. But it has, well, did - over the past 11 months I learned things as a nursing mother that I never would have learned otherwise. First and primarily, I learned to be *still*, something that does not come naturally to me. I learned the value of taking time to breathe in life, to stare into the precious eyes of my adoring son, to pray for his life and his salvation, to pray for myself and Ryan in our quest to parent Charlie and his future siblings and to just rest. Secondly, I became a much less selfish person, will to sacrifice my schedule, physical demands and just general preferences for someone else. It has been very sanctifying. And lastly, I learned that doing what I was made to do can bring so much fulfillment, joy, peace and happiness.
Was nursing inconvenient? Yes, sometimes it would have been nice to get away for longer than 3 or 4 hours, to have a night away with Ryan or a full night of sleep as a mother to a newborn. But it was absolutely, 100% worth the price. I loved every minute of nursing my precious little son and I am so sad that this part of our relationship has ended. I wasn't ready for it...I had planned on weaning him slowly, one feeding at a time. I had imagined how our last feeding would look and had started preparing myself emotionally for that day (since I was planning to start weaning him when he turned 1). I've spent the last 2 days hoping that it wasn't really over but tonight, I know in my heart that it is. So I'm grieving (and undoubtedly dealing with some hormonal issues :)) and learning how to be a mom in this new stage of life we've just entered.
Side note: I do not apologize for broaching a sensitive topic in a public forum. God made women for this, physically and emotionally. And even though nursing is not for everyone or every baby, it is a beautiful thing. Our culture may disagree but that does not change the reality of the situation. And as a woman in 2007, nursing (and talking about it!) is my right. :)
2.22.2007
Road tripping!
This week-end we are going skiing in North Carolina, at a ski area near Boone - Hawk's Nest Ski Resort. We are definitely excited - hopefully the slopes and tubing areas will be open. We are sharing a condo with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew but the whole fam is going (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc). It should be fun and hopefully my parents will get to spend some extended time with Charlie, since we don't normally stay with them when we visit Savannah.
Cheers and happy week-ending!
2.20.2007
28
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Happy Birthday to me! I can't believe I'm 28...
We spent the week-end in Savannah, primarily because Ryan had a job interview yesterday (more on that later) but also because I wanted to spend my birthday with my family. We had a wonderful week-end - shopping, eating seafood, going to church, visiting old friends, etc. On Sunday (my actual birthday) my mom cooked a big lunch and my aunt brought a cake for me - my first cake in years! It was red velvet cake, my favorite. (Aside: learning to make red velvet cake from scratch is at the top of my list of culinary projects.) A few pictures from the week-end...
Charlie with my Uncle Hunter, my 10-year-old brother
A slightly blurry shot of my sister reading to Charlie and Tyson, my 17-month-old nephew (isn't he cute?:)) -
Charlie and his Grandmommy -
Ryan is now looking for "real" jobs, I can't believe it! It has been a long road (and it's not over yet - he doesn't actually finish until June '08) but the end is in sight. He spent yesterday at a practice in Savannah, hanging out at the hospital and getting a feel for the rhythm of the practice. There is a a lot of variety in pulmonary/critical care practices so this is going to be a big (and quite difficult) decision for us. Fortunately, he LOVED this practice so we are both relieved that we have at least one option on the horizon. In addition to this practice in Savannah, Ryan has also interviewed with a group here in Augusta and plans to interview in Greenville and Atlanta for sure, Charlotte and Columbia, SC are a "maybe" at this point.
Moving back to Savannah would be wonderful in many ways but also quite different from how I've always imagined our future. Having Charlie has made the possibility so much sweeter - he and Tyson are exactly 6 months apart and in addition to grandparents, Charlie will have a plethora of aunts, uncles and cousins to love and grow with. I never really thought we'd end up back there but Ryan admitted to me last night on the way home that he has always considered Savannah to be a real possibility. Time will tell...
2.14.2007
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2.12.2007
Little Vipers
One of my most beloved college professors, Dr. Krabbendam once said that children are "Little Vipers in Covenantal Diapers." Oh, Dr. K you were right - they sure are. My sweet little baby has morphed into a back-arching, temper tantrum-throwing little viper!
Example: Charlie is beyond obsessed with his toothbrush (of all things). As soon as he can get his little hands on any part of the handle, it's over. He releases piercing screams so loud you would think that he was on the verge of death. He then begins choking and coughing - nearly to the point of throwing up, he's crying so hard. It's UNBELIEVABLE. He cries so loudly and for so long that his normal before-bed reading with Dad routine has been disturbed. He can't even stop crying to read. And tonight he took it to a new level: as usual, he started crying and coughing and arching his back as soon as Ryan took away the toothbrush. So Ryan got him out, dressed him in his PJs, all the while Charlie was escalating...he kept getting louder and more upset, not catching his breath, etc. for a good 10 minutes. So Ryan skipped the reading, trying to calm him down with some rocking and singing. Still the kid screamed and arched. So in I go, ready to diffuse the situation with milk. But for the first time in his little life, milk did not do the trick. He arched and screamed and pulled and punched and all out refused to nurse. He screamed his little head off until I laid him in his bed. I rubbed his head for a minute or two, he turned over and feel asleep. As if to say, "If you won't give me what I want, I don't need you! Leave me alone!" I had to admit I was heartbroken. I sat on the couch and cried a few tears for my stubborn, independent little boy. who must learn that he does not always get what he wants...and for myself, mother no more to a sweet angelic baby, who sleeps and eats on command. Instead, here I am with a little sinner who needs love and discipline. I guess BabyWise was right when they said that getting them to sleep through the night was not the ultimate parenting prize. :)
Those who say people are born good certainly are mistaken. Ryan and I, miserable sinners that we are, do not throw ourselves into the floor/wall/tub and scream...and scream and scream and scream. His recent behavioral digression was not learned - it is deep within his dark litle heart. I'm now more convicted than ever to pray for his salvation and trust in the Covenantal promises that God made to me and Ryan. And to pray for us as parents - whew, there is so much to teach him!
Example: Charlie is beyond obsessed with his toothbrush (of all things). As soon as he can get his little hands on any part of the handle, it's over. He releases piercing screams so loud you would think that he was on the verge of death. He then begins choking and coughing - nearly to the point of throwing up, he's crying so hard. It's UNBELIEVABLE. He cries so loudly and for so long that his normal before-bed reading with Dad routine has been disturbed. He can't even stop crying to read. And tonight he took it to a new level: as usual, he started crying and coughing and arching his back as soon as Ryan took away the toothbrush. So Ryan got him out, dressed him in his PJs, all the while Charlie was escalating...he kept getting louder and more upset, not catching his breath, etc. for a good 10 minutes. So Ryan skipped the reading, trying to calm him down with some rocking and singing. Still the kid screamed and arched. So in I go, ready to diffuse the situation with milk. But for the first time in his little life, milk did not do the trick. He arched and screamed and pulled and punched and all out refused to nurse. He screamed his little head off until I laid him in his bed. I rubbed his head for a minute or two, he turned over and feel asleep. As if to say, "If you won't give me what I want, I don't need you! Leave me alone!" I had to admit I was heartbroken. I sat on the couch and cried a few tears for my stubborn, independent little boy. who must learn that he does not always get what he wants...and for myself, mother no more to a sweet angelic baby, who sleeps and eats on command. Instead, here I am with a little sinner who needs love and discipline. I guess BabyWise was right when they said that getting them to sleep through the night was not the ultimate parenting prize. :)
Those who say people are born good certainly are mistaken. Ryan and I, miserable sinners that we are, do not throw ourselves into the floor/wall/tub and scream...and scream and scream and scream. His recent behavioral digression was not learned - it is deep within his dark litle heart. I'm now more convicted than ever to pray for his salvation and trust in the Covenantal promises that God made to me and Ryan. And to pray for us as parents - whew, there is so much to teach him!
2.07.2007
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2.05.2007
Being a perfectionist
I'm a perfectionist. Yep, it's true and it DRIVES ME NUTS. This quality often prevents me from doing things that I want and should do, since I'm too stubbord to try them if I don't have time to completely, fully and competently execute them. *sigh* One of those things that my perfectionism keeps me from doing is blogging because, being a wanna-be writer and employee of a publishing company, I want every post to be profoundly thought-provoking, beautifully written and superbly entertaining. Yeah, right. So this post is dedicated to imperfection: random thoughts and tidbits hastily thrown together, all revealing the benefits of me bucking my personality and trying to do things even if I know they won't be perfect! Yeah, me! :)
Being a perfectionist often keeps me from praying and reading scripture because I think that I have to have a huge chunk of dedicated time carved out and set aside for my "quiet time." And if I don't (which is all the time :)) I just avoid it all together. But lately I've tried to dedicate a few precious minutes to praying/reading/thinking and as a result, I've had some sweet time with the Lord, time during which he's made himself very real to me:
"Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you." Is. 49:15
I've loved this verse for years but now that I'm a mother, it has become even more real to me. And this week the Lord brought it to my mind, reminding me that he loves me more than I love Charlie and that he's not "out to get me" as I so often think during hard times...
Being a perfectionist has also kept me from really getting down and dirty with my sewing machine. I made an envelope pillow cover a few weeks ago and that was fun but I haven't done much since then. But on Saturday, I went to my sewing lesson and learned alot - satin stich, zigzag stich, how to make a buttonhole. It was a blast! So I signed up for 2 more sewing classes, one of which begins next week! I then came home and "made" (read: decorated) 2 burp rags for a friend who just had a baby. Aren't they cute?
And here's a picture of my first pillow!
Letting go of my perfectionist tendencies by using my machine has a ripple effect - it stops me from having my beautifully decorated table because the dining room table is the only place I have to sew...but it's worth it! Tonight I'm going to make a toile tote bag, if all goes well...we'll see! The fabric is barely visible in the bottom left-hand corner of the picture below, at the bottom of the fabric pile.
Finally, one tidbit not related to being a perfectionist: tt's been so cold here that Charlie has been wearing his hat quite often and his hair is really feeling the effects. Check it out!
2.01.2007
Chaos
I don't do well with chaos...at all. I am a very "structured" and "organized" person who thrives on schedules and predictability. I've always known this about myself but motherhood has really opened my eyes to the extreme nature of my personality. And I'm not sure what to do about it. Every single day of my life looks a little bit different and every single day is just packed with tasks and activities to the point that I don't even have time to eat. And along with the business has come some of the most intense guilt I've ever felt. I feel so guilty because it seems that life is just flying by and I'm not taking the time to enjoy it or the people who mean the most to me. I am most of the time too busy to even play with Charlie. I feed him, change him, love on him and take him on walks but I just don't have time to work full-time, cook/clean/launder and read with him or play with him. And by the time Ryan comes home, I'm too tired to even carry on a coherent conversation.
January has been especially difficult. Work has been very demanding as the pace of the new year picks up in corporate America. I've also been putting more pressure on myself to get more of XX done, to workout more, to clean more, to spend more time with Charlie and Ryan, to be a better friend/wife/mother, etc...
So what to do? I'm not sure. So right now, today, I'm praying for wisdom and the ability to rest. Something needs to change and I'm sure it needs to be me and my heart, always wanting more instead of being content with the, in actuality, beautiful chaos that is my life. Please pray for me. I need it.
To be continued...
January has been especially difficult. Work has been very demanding as the pace of the new year picks up in corporate America. I've also been putting more pressure on myself to get more of XX done, to workout more, to clean more, to spend more time with Charlie and Ryan, to be a better friend/wife/mother, etc...
So what to do? I'm not sure. So right now, today, I'm praying for wisdom and the ability to rest. Something needs to change and I'm sure it needs to be me and my heart, always wanting more instead of being content with the, in actuality, beautiful chaos that is my life. Please pray for me. I need it.
To be continued...
1.23.2007
My Day Yesterday
I have been so incredibly busy lately...busier than I ever imagined possible...here's a play-by-play of yesterday:
- Up at 6:15
- Working by 6:30
- Charlie up at 7:45...and then it all starts to run together...
Worked 7+ hours, drove to garage to have side mirror fixed (long story); waited at said garage with son while mirror was fixed; nursed 4 times; fed son 3 meals & 2 snacks; ran 3 miles on treadmill; prepared meal for friend who just had a baby (ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, pineapple casserole); packed meal, son, husband into vehicle and drove to friends house; unpacked vehicle and prepared meal; ate with friend; cleaned up; drove home; unpacked food/kid/husband; bathed kid; put kid to bed; payed bills; worked 2 more hours.
whew!
so if anyone is wondering why my posts have been few and far between...
- Up at 6:15
- Working by 6:30
- Charlie up at 7:45...and then it all starts to run together...
Worked 7+ hours, drove to garage to have side mirror fixed (long story); waited at said garage with son while mirror was fixed; nursed 4 times; fed son 3 meals & 2 snacks; ran 3 miles on treadmill; prepared meal for friend who just had a baby (ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, pineapple casserole); packed meal, son, husband into vehicle and drove to friends house; unpacked vehicle and prepared meal; ate with friend; cleaned up; drove home; unpacked food/kid/husband; bathed kid; put kid to bed; payed bills; worked 2 more hours.
whew!
so if anyone is wondering why my posts have been few and far between...
1.14.2007
Flower Arrangements
As promised, this post is #2 in my series on Edith Schaeffer's The Hidden Art of Homemaking...
Probably my favorite chapter so far has been "Flower Arrangements."I did not have high expectations for this chapter...I really wasn't even sure that I would like it or find anything useful in it. But of course I was wrong - Edith could write an essay on how to use Post-It notes and I'm sure that I would learn something. :)
Here are some highlights:
1 - Flower arranging is an art in which anyone can participate, regardless of degree of talent or time or money. And the capacity and materials available to us were given by God who values beauty - beauty is important to God. We are not just allowed to create beauty: in doing so we express our personhood as image-bearers.
2 - Schaeffer repeatedly insists on the importance of the home's atmosphere, that it must facilitate and encourage communication because human relationships depend on it. And that the trend of the "home becoming non-existent can be countered only if those of us who want to be sure our little spot is really a home take very practical measures to be sure that is is just that, and not a collection of furniture sitting in in some sort of enclosure being protected from wind and storm."
3 - Thoughtful details and table centerpieces are not just for guests...the tired husband, the grumpy teenager, the whiny toddler, the lonely roommate...everyone will benefit from the "warmth of knowing that someone has taken thought and put some originality into preparing the place where food and conversation are going to be shared." This resonated with me and I started to understand her point about enriching everyday life, not just putting time and effort into special days or company days or birthdays, but making every day a little bit more colorful and happy.
4- Related to #3 above was her point about how to approach mealtimes alone with the children (which, due to Ryan's job, is without a doubt in my future): she challenges her readers to not have the attitude "it's only the children" but instead to put time and effort into preparing something that will be meaningful to them. I remember lots of times hearing my mom say that (and I mean no offense to my wonderful mother) and being just a teeny bit disappointed. I probably never would have remembered that had I not read this book however, the point is valid - children will notice and appreciate being valued and made to feel special. And children who grow up in a creative atmosphere will be inspired to appreciate beauty, express creativity and live aesthetically.
And I know this is getting long but bear with me , one more long quote:
"You cannot expect to have a close relationship with a teenager who, after all, is the same person as the two year old you stuck crying into bed, the three year old you spanked and shoved aside, the four year old you wouldn't listen to, the five year old you never shared beauty with, the six year old you found boring, or you 'trained' never to butt in, but never gave time to make a cosy and beautiful background out of which you could talk to him or her."
"You cannot expect to have a close relationship with a teenager who, after all, is the same person as the two year old you stuck crying into bed, the three year old you spanked and shoved aside, the four year old you wouldn't listen to, the five year old you never shared beauty with, the six year old you found boring, or you 'trained' never to butt in, but never gave time to make a cosy and beautiful background out of which you could talk to him or her."
So I'm convinced: if putting just a small bit of thought and effort into daily life will help me stay close to my husband and children, if it will communicate how much I love and value them, that they are worth the time and extra effort, then count me in...
On another note, THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed for and asked about Charlie. He is doing so well!! He has been sitting up for about a month now and is now a pro - no more falling over! :) He has also been "commando crawling" (kind of slithering, crawling w/out being up on all fours) for awhile now, probably over a month, actually. And he is now starting to get up on his knees and rock, staying on all fours for several minutes before getting back into commando mode. He's really fast now so I don't think he's motivated to learn a new mode of transportation. :) He's also wanting to stand up and he's trying to move his feet and walk. And just this week, he's learned 2 new tricks: he can go from crawling to sitting on his own and he's trying to pull up on stuff!! His mind is obviously very ahead of his physical abilities...he has nearly injured himself about 15 times today trying to pull up on very unstable objects, including the side of the bathtub while it was full of water! And he tried to pull up on the shelves inside the door of the fridge when I opened it to grab something out of it. Crazy! He's changing so fast!
Happy MLK Day!
PS - Just as I was finishing up this post and about to head to bed, Ryan's pager went off. Apparently people are dying all over the place so he just left for the hospital. It's 11:51pm and he just worked a 14 hour day. Poor guy. Why didn't he decide to be a dermatologist? :)
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