11.28.2006

Thankfulness

"Oh Thou who has given us so much,
mercifully grant us one thing more: a thankful heart."
- George Herbert

My thanksgiving post is coming a little late this year and that is due to the fact that I have been feeling very overwhelmed...overwhelmed by all the blessings in my life and yet ashamed that I, to some extent, do take them for granted. I have also been challenged and convicted about my utter disdain for and fear of suffering. So I have spent the last several months, and the last several weeks in particular, wishing with all my heart that I could arrive at the point where I am perfectly grateful for all the joys that life has presented to me thus far and be at peace (thankful even!) about the current hardships we are experiencing now and will undoubtedly experience in the future. The challenge for me now though is that I know in my head that this state of being is ultimately unattainable…I will never be as thankful as I could be or as willing to suffer as I must be while living on this side of eternity. So I’ve been struggling with feelings of restlessness and fear, not knowing how to live with the reality that I am not what I want to be, yet being hopeful that one day this part of me will also be redeemed (and is being redeemed right now even). So with George Herbert I’ve been praying, “Lord, make me thankful.” And these are just some of the things for which I want to be truly thankful this year:

1. Ryan – need I say more? I couldn’t ask for a better friend or husband.
2. Charlie – what a blessing it has been to become a mother – words cannot even describe it. Yet suffering with and for Charlie as he struggles with developmental delays and other health concerns has been so raw and painful for us. Charlie’s health has definitely been a source of suffering for which I’m trying to be thankful…I’m thankful that his health issues are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things AND for the opportunity to enter into suffering and rejoice in it, as Paul did.

3. Our families – we both have parents who are still married to each other, who love and support us. And my plethora of siblings is such a blessing – built in friends!

4. Friends – I honestly have some of the best friends anyone could ask for, sniff, sniff. So thanks to you all…and I miss those of you who I don’t get to see often (which is actually like, 99.9% of my dearest friends, unfortunately!)

5. My job – what a blessing to be able to work from home, contribute financially to this family and use the skills God has given me while still having the opportunity to be Charlie’s primary caregiver. An amazing blessing. Yet another source of suffering in many ways…how can I do it all and do it all well? This will undoubtedly be one of the most memorable tasks of 2006! :)

6. Health – We are healthy and have no physical limitations. My sister beat the odds this year and did not have cancer (even though preliminary tests indicated otherwise), our immediate families are all healthy...how often do we all take that for granted? Hhhhmmm…

And of course, I'm ultimately and most thankful for a Savior who saved me once and continues to save me daily. And man, do I need saving!

So Happy (late) Thanksgiving everyone and may the Lord grant us all thankful hearts!

4 comments:

maryanne helms said...

Em-

If you can learn to keep joyful in the midst of watching your precious child suffer, you are more than a conqueror. I know from certain things I continue to go through with Anna, that parenting is SO vulnerable and scary. And you have something really tangible to work through right now. The unknown, which is always terrifying. You are being prayed for. And I LOVE hearing about your growth in faith and integrity as God gives you something bigger than you are to contend with. Keep us all informed about Charlie, as you learn more.

YOu are loved and prayed for.

Maryanne

Emily Moody said...

Thank you, friend! I appreciate your friendship and encouragement more than you know!

Jill said...

Thank you for the very introspective / reflective post. On a more fluffy note, did you get the mixer??

Emily Moody said...

Unfortunately, Jill, I did not. 'Tis the season to shop for others.