So as I've been blogging recently, I've been somewhat conflicted over time management, fighting my perfectionist tendencies , doing the most important things in life, etc. Deciding what is important has been somewhat problematic...most things in my life seem really important. So I've been reading, praying, thinking about all of this lately--and blogging about it a little bit--but oddly, not discussing this in much detail with friends here in Savannah (except for a couple of short discussions here and there with Sarah and Marlo). Venting electronically seems so much easier, less personal. But really incomplete, as I realized today during a discussion with the girls in my young mother's Bible study. Today we were all able to get really personal, discuss our familes, husbands, children, our struggles and even shed a few tears (which felt soo good. For someone who cried all the time in college, I sure am emotionally stunted sometimes as an adult). Anyway, my biggest struggle has been just getting it all done and maintaining a little bit of Emily and things she likes to do. So I just said it today, asked for prayer. And you know what: community happened. We all shared, we all rallied around each other and I left feeling more whole, more complete and much less guilty and confused.
And in regards to "spending time" with the kids, these girls had some great insight, great thoughts and overall, a lot of encouragement to give me. They are abosolutely right: this whole "quality time" thing is a new invention. We don't remember our moms playing with us constantly. And we don't agree with that concept, no matter what the world tries to sell us about the importance of leisure time and always being entertained. A neat, orderly home in which to live, to be safe from the world; food lovingly prepared (even if it is grilled cheese and canned tomato soup like we had last night); clean clothes to wear; opportunities to read/be exposed to good books and to play creatively; to be yourself--these are the things that make for a happy childhood. And these things don't just happen. It takes a mother's attention and devotion, not her constant availability as a playmate. So now, encouraged by these friends, enlightened by a few week's of praying and thinking, I'm much more sure and confident in my role as a wife, mother and keeper of our home.
So feeling much more like myself, I'm going to spring into Fall (hahah) by making some pumpkin bread and other things off of this fabulous website I found last night. And I might just pull out my new fabric and sew some playroom curtains!