On a daily basis, I am a wife, mother, LexisNexis Process Analyst, daughter, sister, friend, dog trainer, cook, maid, and family accountant. And I'm tired. Physically tired, oh yes. But mentally tired is the main thing lately. At the end of every day, I am so mentally exhausted that I can barely function, carry on a conversion or fall asleep at night because of all the many thoughts running through my head: Did Charlie eat enough today and why is he spitting up so much? Did Tyke and Scooby get to go "out"? Is the Indiana product going to release on schedule? Did I remember to pay the water bill? When is Charlie's next doctor appointment? Why is the laudry so piled up? And on and on and on...
At some point during the three years in VA, I read an article in my Shape magazine about woman and careers. I don't really remember much of the article but one portion did stand out (and I'm paraphrazising here): when women are at work, they are feeling guilty about all that they didn't accomplish at home and when they are at home, they feel guilty about everything that didn't get done at work. I am truly struggling under the burden of that guilt right now, in addition to guilty feelings about being a less-than-adequate wife, sister and friend. I know that a certain amount of guilt is par for the course with motherhood so perhaps I'll adjust to these feelings. But for now, I'm struggling.
And to be honest, I'm also fighting a battle with myself over my own needs. Those of you who know me well know that I LOVE going to the gymn. Since I was cleared to exercise at 8 weeks, I've only gone to the gymn about 5 or 6 times. Ideally, I'd like to go 3-4 times a week but now I can't go with any regularity. And this has been hard on me. Going to the gymn is both a hobby and a stress-relief mechanism for me and I'm really missing it. And I must admit that I don't like myself very much when I'm not working out...
So - how do I balance work, marriage, motherhood, friendships and "me" time? I have no idea. I'll guess I'll be pondering this question and working on this balance for the rest of my life.
Quote of the Day
"Do the next thing."
- Elizabeth Elliot